Social Media? More like Unsocial Media. Am I right, ladies?

The world has become a bleak place, devoid of human interaction. A hovercraft zooms past as friends gather in the city’s labyrinth of steel and concrete. They silently pull their phones out and begin texting each other.

“Hi badb1tch01, hw r u?”

“Im gud, M186. Sry im late. Supposed to be grounded. #thuglife”

The power of speech has been lost at the hand of social media.

Scary? Sure. Sci-fi? Well no, this future isn’t so futuristic, it’s more or less already happening today.

Well, except for the hovercrafts. That needs to happen already.

We are currently in a world where social media is not just a way of life but basically defines our day-to-day existence. We make ourselves publicly accessible and, in turn, are judged by what we say and do. Under the social media spotlight, people don’t fear retribution, rather they relish over-sharing how much alcohol they consumed last night, how many people they made out with or how many penguins they stole from the zoo with the hashtag YOLO slapped on.

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Coffee? You’re Frothing Mad

Gather around everyone, I have a startling confession to make. I don’t like coffee – I know, try not to faint. I’m one of those mythical creatures you only hear about in hushed tones; the kind that causes villagers to grab their pitchforks in fear and confused anger. I don’t like it. I don’t like the taste or the strange effects it has on my body and I don’t understand why you’re all so into it.

It’s like people came together and decided that there simply weren’t enough bitter things in the world that result in a foul aftertaste, fuzzy teeth and feeling jittery all day.

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