Gather around everyone, I have a startling confession to make. I don’t like coffee – I know, try not to faint. I’m one of those mythical creatures you only hear about in hushed tones; the kind that causes villagers to grab their pitchforks in fear and confused anger. I don’t like it. I don’t like the taste or the strange effects it has on my body and I don’t understand why you’re all so into it.
It’s like people came together and decided that there simply weren’t enough bitter things in the world that result in a foul aftertaste, fuzzy teeth and feeling jittery all day.